When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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