Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my shit smells like andre
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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