idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
