So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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