im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
