two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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