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party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There r osticjed everywhere
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
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