Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We had to coat check the pizza.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
