I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work