Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned