I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?