:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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