I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
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Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.