You just made me feel so damn special
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
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First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one