i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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