I want to make a zoo with you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
