Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
