pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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