Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
