You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
