I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Come share oat with me in your robe
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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