either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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