mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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