MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
