Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
