Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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