and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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