He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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