she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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