rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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