I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize