my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
