i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
