Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
