Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
