I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize