dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
