I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
