why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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