I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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