i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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