So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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