You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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