bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
