if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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