Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
