um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
