is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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