It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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