This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
