I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
