he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
