I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
