she was so not down for the gang bang
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
