Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish you could order shots online.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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