Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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