it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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