I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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