The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Send help, water and tortillas.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
