I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
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