If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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