do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
