I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
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we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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