dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
