Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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