Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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