Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
