he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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