My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you mean i was at the winter classic?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
