This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
