my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
