i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
