wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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