I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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