He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
