I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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