THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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