I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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