2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize