we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
