it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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