We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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