i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
