If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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