Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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