five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
