Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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